How you doin?

As some of you know, and most don't, I have been going through a mountain of hard times recently. I honestly think that this right now is probably the low point of my life thus far. I am tryin to occupy myself with as many things as possible to clear my head but came to the realization that all that does is push things away temporarily, and when I am alone, my head goes nuts. It is hard to sleep at night cause I think so much. Its a double hurt cause I am so worn out from goin all day long, and then can't sleep. Anyway, I figure the best thing to do is write things down, that way I get it off my chest. I was at work today and it wasn't busy, so I sat down and decided to write down what came to my head, and here it is:

How you doin? A question asked so much in society these days that the answer has become mundane and repetitive. We ask this question out of courtesy. The reply is always the same. "Good thanks, how about you?" Or something to that extent. Nobody responds genuinely anymore. If someone said to you "I am doing shitty" would you really care? I mean sure, you would ask what is wrong, listen, maybe offer advice and try to help, but again, would you care? Would you be really interested or just thinking about how to end this conversation, that the person is just lookin for attention. For this reason, we all wear masks. No matter how we truly feel, when asked we put on our masks and say "fine, thanks." Is it that we do not want to discuss our issues? Because we all need to talk and openly share how we truly feel. Or could it be that we know the person will not care so we do not even bother? Could the reason be to personal? I believe that the question of how we are doing is asked so much in society today that without even thinking we give the generic response. It takes a lot to come out and say something, I understand and know all about that, but if the opening is given to us why do we choose to close the door? I have always been one to wear a mask. Always there to help others and listen. Try and be the rock when others need to lean. Whenever it came to me, no matter the truth, I gave the generic answer. The past couple of days have been hard on me. Many of my close friends do not know what the issue is because I chose to mask it. Sometimes people, like me, need to talk. Luckily I do have many people in my life I can turn to, some of whom know how shitty I really am right now. How you doin is not some pick-up line by Joey, or random question, it is a genuine question that has somehow along the way lost its true meaning. I wish people actually meant it when they asked. Now that it is me who needs to be asked I understand anyone who has ever needed to be asked and cared about. I know why people put on their mask to avoid the dumb response. To whoever reads this, just know when I ask, I mean it, and I hope the same goes for you. So how am I doing? Just don't judge by the mask I have on. Im out.

sorry that was so long but I needed to get it off my chest. Anyway, im headed to hockey. Sooner rather than later, im done. Late.